Shopping With Mel

You push your trolley into the fruit and veg department. All you want from here is a bag of potatoes and some onions. You have no idea how to cook but are confident about being able to create something with these as basic ingredients. You're Mel Gibson. Any other purchases made within this department, you think, are pretentious and unnecessary.

Before you is a table on which there is a display made up of a selection of melons, mangoes and pineapples. A sign hangs down from long metal wires from the industrial ceiling high above you, bearing only the word 'Exotic' in a gaudy font and the image of a colorful cartoon bird, possibly a parakeet, sucking on a straw protruding from what looks like a coconut. There are no coconuts on display.

Why must they have Caribbean fruit on display? You can feel a storm of rage percolating inside you like boiling water. Why do they not keep the Caribbean fruit behind a counter, like pornography or firearms, and instruct any interested customers to ask to see the fruit? This is not too much to ask.

Do you want to:

go beserk?
ignore your murderous feelings and continue to the jams section?